bright and bold

tomorrow many fellow citizens and travellers will hate me since we are flying for six hours with a baby. a baby with his own mind and wishes who doesn't undertand things outside his own sphere yet. i'm planning on taking a dose of benadryl to make me groggy enough to not snap at people when they glare at me cuz the kid is fussing. hey peeps i don't want to do this either. six hours on a plane just by myself is bad enough but with a baby!!!! i'm going to make a public apology and general announcement of warning about our baby to everyone as we board the plane. just say upfront, dudes sorry. the next six hours may really suck. you can have a discount at akai.

i'm scared and nervous. returning may bring a flash of insecurities i thought i outgrew (or ran away from) when i moved away from arizona. away from family drama and strict state and 'little LA' where the norm is to be gorgeous without trying. i wonder how many boyfriends still live in phoenix or area. ex that is. he doesn't count as a boyfriend if you just went to dinner or movie and didnt even make out, right? that's just a date. had a lot of those.

well so is it ok with everyone if i am just me and dont have to hide in a corner and not participate in online discussions to be professional and what if i go back to the nurse field? I know of a lot of nurses who have good raunchy blogs. please dont make me hide. this voice doesnt want to be quiet and behaved ALL the time. i promise to only wear my blog uniform when i'm blogging. i'm just not good at the whole artist mystique thing.

can i vent about anxiety and antidepressants and implants and farts and rotten people who have road rage or the butthole who was rude to me yesterday and i totally took it personal?

well the baby just woke up so i have to start chasing him. i wonder if aloha can be brought to the mainland in large doses? i wonder if living in Hawaii really is like a fairy tale since a good portion of our visitors bring joy and happiness. the island is a happiness for so many people, all at the time time. i wonder if, overall, hawaii's tourist population nudges us over into a significant statistic suggesting that hawaii is the happiest state in the US? it's not very often we see a bitchy tourist. and most of the population of those who live here full time are ohana and very kind, generous people.

..question??...cuz i've forgotten mainland etiquette...is it ok to hug someone and touch cheeks when you first meet them? cuz that's what we do here. aloha spreads itself into hugs and cheek touchs or cheek kisses. am i gonna get clobbered if i do that to someone on the mainland?

am thinkin about the plane trip and gonna go throw up