boy am i high. accidentally took two antidepressants today. i'm a combo of 'i can do anything' energy and sleepiness. what a weird drug these things are. as many of you know i tried to taper off around xmas, got down to 2mg , etc etc anyways i'm back on 20mg and feeling good..i do think the recent slump and lack of motivation had to do with gray skies (nonstop) and the wisdom tooth removal. i wanted to sell off everything related to silk and just be done with it. have a simple life with a desk top computer not cluttered with photos and web sites to update. just clock in, clock out, receive check, take time off.
i think the sun revived me the other day..a morning of warmth and i felt pretty energetic again. i stopped handing out freebies and thought of better ways to prepare for the upcoming move. today in fact i dyed anything white that was available. it felt very productive. i still learn so much about dyeing but really like that i also know something about it. it's good to feel good about what you do.
after spending part of the day in the outside world i wondered if it was worth it to keep an at home job or to really pursue nursing again. here in hawaii it's just us, we have friends on oahu but if we both had jobs, and the baby was sick, one of us would have to take the time off. neither of us like to call in sick. right now i have the luxury of calling in sick to akai to care for emergencies. that's so nice.
in arizona i suppose we'd have my mom as backup if the baby was sick and we were both working.
Type A wants to go get the job that was forwarded to me today, home health nurse for 45/per hour. I used to do hospice care and a bit of home health so it would not be new. It's med/surg but you drive around in your car, check on patients, document, etc. As far as nursing goes it's a pretty nice job and it's good pay. I worked hospice part time in Colorado and for a short time in Arizona and really enjoyed it. Type A wants to bust some ass and work really hard and pay off that house we 'may' buy in five years or less. And then start saving for a beach retreat in Costa Rica, or maybe Miami.
Type B says to stay home and do creative things, play with the baby, make a little cash here and there.
Type O says to do both which is probably not possible.
I wondered out loud today how long it will take me living back in our tiny condo with people making noise above us before I go nuts again. Even with daily surfing to chill the brain. How soon will i be tired of the kitchen that is the size of a closet or the lack of bathroom storage.
how the hell do you leave Hawaii though?
Nah, other places are fun. Other places have convenient airports with more destinations that are affordable. Other places have a house worthy of living in with family close by. Other places have almost year round sunshine and red rocks and big mountains and endless highways to other exciting destinations. Why live on an island if you can live on a continent?
I suppose I'll never find peace. I apologized profusely to my husband tonight. I just see so many possibilities and it's hard to live just one.
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