summer is here

it's time for my yearly roach rant. this will be my fourth summer in hawaii yet i just can't seem to shake the fear of roaches. ours are colossal. and they fly.

i have learned how to take them out though. you cannot sneak up on them with a shoe over your head and get into position. i know they must have one million eyes on their loathsome heads cuz they know you're coming and they will scuttle off or fly at you.

today i had an encounter with two large ones. no matter how clean you keep your place, if the people above you are filthy and pack 8 people in a one bedroom condo guess what? roaches see that as a sign that we should all live together happily. damn i miss my cat.

the first one was under the sink. i'm very strict about emptying all trash out but there he was crawling around on the baseboard. no shoe with me (i know better) so i grabbed a bottle of spray clean and doused the fucker as he ran in circles. he eventually crawled to safety under the oven. knowing there was nothing i could do but considering that he could still live and make it over to the bedroom, i had to give up the hunt..zack was ready for his nap and i was ready to lay down and rest for a bit.

i woke up feeling like something was over me. you know that half glaze of sleep where you don't want to wake up but you know you're not going back to sleep? of course i look up and see the roach. could be a different one but let's think this thru. it's roach karma coming to get me.

he was high enough on the wall where i knew i would have to jump to get him. this requires skill and luckily i have it. he was right over the baby's bed (still sleeping) so i quietly pulled the baby's bed away from the wall. folks..those of you who stupidly think by pulling your beds from the wall will prevent roaches from getting on your bed are idiots. they climb walls and they don't do too well on ceilings which means they FALL on you. just hope to god you are not aware of it cuz it does cause family issues.

i snuck out of the room and grabbed one of twu's heavy shoes (no need to use mine plus what are high heels gonna do). now this is the important part..you can't size up the situation and sneak closer to him and take a deep breath and all that crap. you have to move in fast and obliterate your enemy. which is exactly what i did. a split second before i made impact i could see it twist its head around and tickle the air with its antennae.

i smacked him so hard that i saw goop fly on to the baby's bed. the first thought..hmm should i wake the baby? it's not near him it's just on the rail. the rest of the winged body clumped to the floor where i covered it with twu's shoe so he could deal with it later. there are some gender roles i believe in. i don't clean up bugs. on occasion i will destroy them but the cleanup must be done by someone else. he'll have head guts waiting for him as well.

i'd like to display part of the carcass outside to warn the others that i don't dick around but a cat will probably carry it off.

well..summer is here. soon the island will be grossly overinhabited by something smaller than a hand but that causes more stir than an earthquake. and we have plenty of those.

seriously, the thought of tsunamis and sharks does nothing to shake my image of hawaii but when i see roaches, i consider moving.