a return to previous self

life is so interesting as people drift in and out of your path, and you study the effect they may have on your path..maybe someone suggests a side trail and you follow along, and you learn a new perspective and then swear by it..and it becomes so much part of your life that all future decisions are influenced by it.

then you get restless, and you start your own path, or maybe go back to the trail head to walk down the path you had left behind. and you meet someone else who is there walking the same direction. and they remind you of all the dreams and ambitions you once had before your ideals went astray (or diverted). astray ideals are not a bad thing..we are all layers of experience. and trying things out.

i am remembering now who Laura King was, straight A student, champion horseback rider, disciplined, studious, career oriented. Type A. Financially conscious. Multi-tasking and can do it all. Might work self to death but enjoys the challenge.

I met someone four years ago , we remained in contact and now talk frequently. He comes from a military background like me and gives 100% every day to his job..but he is not locked down to 9 to 5. That may be his hours but his spirit is free and he enjoys every moment of life. laughs constantly. Is very driven, has a plan. Has goals, motivation.

He has reminded me of the blue ribbon that I once was, and shows by example that one can have a busy life with full time job but still be free. I used to think I was selling out if i stopped working akai full time and went back to work..oh but i'm an artist living free. how free is it though? i work long hours. i love the work but why haven't i given my other interest, medicine, a decent chance? why did i abandon it because of one job in one location under one set of circumstances? do i have what it takes to stick it out under undesirable conditions to find what i want from it?

i'm excited to be looking into grad school options. there's an excellent one here in oakland. it would take a few years and a lot of work. akai would have to go into recession..impossible to do it all. but the job i'd have the opportunity to work towards would be outstanding and once again i'd be free.

artists are free in their path..they wake up and create. but so can the military person..if they use their job as a tool to create freedom