da beetch izz back

my dad and brothers raised a bitch. they are rather tough guys who dont put up with shit from anyone. they are fair and wonderful and generous but they dont put up with shit. they passed a lot of this on to me. they taught me to take care of myself and not depend on a man to do it for me. they taught me how to avoid being a rug (although there are many times i'm still prone)

i feel like i inhaled the mana of the desert, my homeland, and am back and i feel strong. i already miss the clear blue sky and dust that settles on everything. it's raining here. the big island is not our place. even if this house doesnt work out for whatever reason this is still not our place. it has been a wonderful place to camp out for the past year, and absorb its beauty but we are not home. i'm not sure if anywhere will ever be home but it's not here

my nickname when i lived in the desert was Selket. a dear friend used to call me Selkie which is far from the meaning and power of Selket, scorpion queen. I suppose even the scorpion queen of darkness needs a softer playful woman into seal playing in the waves side.

woke at 5 this morning since i'm still in time with the desert. i have a list of people to call and bitch at (insurance related, etc..assholes dropped our policy despite our three calls a day to get ahold of someone to pay SINCE jan 2nd. i wonder how their phone lines can get so crossed. here we are waving money at them and the other department cancels it. also the repairs on our condo unit were supposed to be done jan 19. i'm about to get out the whip and crack it in a few places. maybe a good lashing of my stinging tail will get them moving huh

and today i have the urge again to paint some wildly fantastic southwest capes and dresses. bright wildflower gold. silvery sage green. LOTS of copper. how could i ever have thought phoenix was brown and dry and ugly? which glasses was i wearing?

still..it's fun to fly back 'home' to hawaii along with a plane of tourists. i see everything from their eyes. the anticipation before we land is contagious. everyone has left behind a six hour passage to a fun zone. a place that is ideal where one can escape and experience something new. thank you hawaii, for hosting me these years. thank you for the surf and the man and the baby (we still dont know if he was made in hawaii or phoenix during our last trip :)

i think i may take a day to be a tourist. try it. go about your day today as if you are a tourist in your own city. what do you like? what is home to you? what do you not like? what can you change? what must you accept?