how long to touch

the water again..

my dreams have been full of water and dolphins lately..my soul misses hawaii.

I'm not sure how long I've been here..over a month, probably about 5 weeks? not sure..a considerable amount of progress has been made i suppose but time drags when you exist to exist instead of meet each day with a full heart. the desert has been a delight but the cold weather is coming and the autumn weather will be gone. i'm pale and have forgotten about what it feels like to have humidity in the air.

the state board is really taking their time issueing my license. it's tough to run akai with any sort of fervor when a clinical that could start asap looms near. i don't want to be too immersed in silk to have to turn around and slow things to complete the clinical..there is more than enough work on the table right now to hold me over for the four weeks that clinical will take. then i am free to wait for a job here in arizona or apply back in hawaii. i may do both at the same time and see who hires me first. if mayo hires me on i'll do a year there..somehow.

such a strange twist to come back to the desert i hated years ago to complete a clinical in hospital type nursing when all along i love hawaii the most and so far, based on limited experience, do not want to work in hospitals

there is a darkness in this house that won't go away..i'm out in the sun enough during the day but this house sits so that it's always in shade. i can't stand it. and i know summer it's too hot to be outside. i can't live indoors. wow i miss hawaii so much.

waiting another phase of the moon..perhaps by this time in 28 days i'll have made it part way thru clinical

tip number 1001 about visiting Hawaii

one of the most useful tips I can give you about visiting Hawaii (if you are staying in Waikiki)

make lunch the big meal of your day..breakfast time, if you are out early enough you will find seats but you better get out of your room by 7am or else you will stand in a long line...at lunch time a lot of people are at the beach, so make this your main 'big' meal. lunch prices are usually cheaper than dinner and you may not be as tempted to buy drinks (alcohol) which REALLY adds up and who wants a hangover in Hawaii? go swim

get dinner early..go to Subway or something quick that you can take with you to the beach. something 'to go' . most restaurants will be packed ...most tourists will hit the streets before sunset and the sidewalks will be crowded, not something fun to navigate when you are hungry.

don't bother to dress up. no one cares unless you are single and even then they probably still don't care

instead, pick up something light and easy and walk over to the beach, find a place in the grass or on a bench and then you don't have to deal with sidewalk traffic. while everyone else is waiting in line and hurrying to eat to catch the sunset, you will already be finished with dinner and have your camera ready.

once the sun drops, stay out on the street if you like activity..the street comes alive.

coffee goddess

i have an ideeeyah...

want to buy a kiosk and paint it bright tropical colors and hang long grass and coconuts from it, you know real cheeseball ABC Hawaii stuff. i'm gonna get a generator and hook up my Keurig coffeemaker, and sell coffee and water on the beach. for two bucks a cup. no plastic cups, i'll have to use ceramic to cut back on trash..i'll have a dishwasher clean the cups as everyone does their shots. we might need an extra cart for cups.

ok anyways, coffee and bottled water. maybe kava too but i'm not sure of the current legalities of that. we had a kava hut on big island but only us locals went out that way. kava gives you an interesting buzz. don't plan on doing anything afterwards. it's best done ceremonially but i know of a gal in Kona who sells it by the cup right along the avenue, you sit down and chug a cup and wander/teeter off down the street.

i'll have cute bikini clad chicks or bare chested local guys making the coffee (i'll be surfing) .

we'll call it Kava Java or Kava Goddess or maybe Merjava. Hey Merjava has a good smooth sound to it. NO i'm not drinking coffee right now hahahahhaaaa of course I am..i have to study. but hey wouldnt that rock?

there's a section of sand right across from the zoo (and starbucks lol) ..it's prime real estate. i bet the rent is 12k a month. maybe i can get a kama aina discount :)

isn't this the most perfect picture ever? can you think of anything better than some dude serving you fresh hot strong coffee while you are on the beach? a nice sunny warm beach? in hawaii?

request to see more

request to see more of yesterday's photos..here's three new veils and more pics of the kimono/sarong set, silk knit/sarong set, crepe ruana

back to beach stuff

had enough free? time today to dash off to one of my favorite hotels in waikiki..i love the old colonial style of this hotel..wish i could tell you the name but i forget it all the time :) Surfrider?

here's just a few shots, we are practicing with a camera again..i've always been curious if the light in these hallways would be good, and i love it. the colors show up really nice.

this is stuff i don't normally feature online..it's more an island obsession. what you are seeing are outfits made of: silk chiffon kimono top over a scarf tied bandeau style, with a sarong, then one with a crepe de chine ruana, then the aqua and purple set is a silk knit top with a sarong, their is one photo taken with a cape which i rarely do anymore but i kept this one

one of these days they may make it to the website or etsy store..for now they are for sale in waikiki

heads or tails

no one knew which end of me would show up first as i was basically swallowed by a big wave out at 'kuna's' today. i really should master smaller waves before biting on to the lip of the biggies but i love the adrenaline rush.

on big swell days i'll fin all the way out to kuna's and park it next to the other bigger wave junkies. north shore riders i'm sure they laugh at us..to them these are not big waves. i don't think i've ever even been in the water at north shore. i'm certain i'll be swept out. there's something ominous about those waters.

today i chased Keola out..this is the guy who deserves his own statue in Waikiki. i call him mmmmastahhhh or sensei. i rode these same big waves when i was pregnant with Zack but lost my nerve after being out so long. plus i think the more you learn about surfing, the more you realize how completely crazy it is and you start to get spooked. Chris told me today that if he feels butterflies he knows it's a good wave.

A very large set rolled in when I first got out there. Keola started shouting at me, dig hard Jes don't look back just dig hard and look at the beach. I looked back and saw a shiny towering beast licking its lips...mmmm girl...I was the only girl out there, easy target. Seeing that huge slick face, I cowered, punched down thru the bottom, and narrowly escaped being rolled. Only to surface to see three more, even bigger, already cresting at the top. White water is not where you want to be.

After a rest period (obviously I did not take the wave) , Bruce was telling me shark stories and pointing out the black bird in the sky who was circling..apparently that means a storm is approaching. We have tropical storm Lana sitting underneath us but I 'heard' from the weather report that the winds were skewing everything up. So we don't know what may hit.

Sensei paddled back out after a quick breakfast on shore. I had made new friends and as he arrived he told me to saddle up. We weren't discussing the game plan for very long when another set started to form..he got on the first wave to my right, I started the incline down, I could hear him shouting something but his speed overtook me, on his left, I watched him thru the ocean spray drop down in front and suddenly appear on the left of me, and all I could see was his baseball cap and the rainbows that are made when the spray hits the sunlight. I wonder what would have happened if I had stuck a leg out when he cruised by. Just kidding Keola, you know I would never do that. hehehe

But..he caught the first one so I had no time to waste to get into position, it was already too late. The waves were already reaching impossible heights and the tops were starting to look white. On Kona days, they will crest and slough over and become sort of like a landslide. But days like this they can barrel and crack you in half. One wave actually broke over, partially, and then reformed, so it had a thick wall of white on TOP of it, with an incline on the bottom. I was in a baaaaad place so I faced the shore, took a deep breath, and prepared to 'go with the flow' as Keola had instructed.

i went with the flow alright but i'm not sure if my head or butt was going first. i am not sure if i was under the wave, on top, in front..all i knew is that i had a death grip on the front end of the board, and a full set of lungs. how long can the wave last? i could not see a thing, buckets of water were getting tossed on my head, i do know that i was travelling at a very fast speed , blindly. i wonder if the lifeguard saw.

eventually i must have popped out in front of the wave, or it softened, since i was finally in front of the white and i could see the blue incline. of course i did not pull out and rest, i charged the reasonable sized incline and continued the ride back to where most NORMAL people ride the waves at 'walls' . Ran into Alan who was having a good laugh and said all he could see was pink and black going really fast in the water (that would be me dude).

Ok i really need to practice smaller waves before I do this..but i was the same way with horseback riding when i was little..i didnt want to waste time on the small fences, i wanted my horse to jump the big ones.

Keola..i owe you breakfast. i'm seriously so lucky to be able to surf with these guys and get free tips. trade this for living in the bay area? no freakin way

Atlantis

photo by http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/gates-of-atlantis-stanley-morrison.jpg


i wish surfing didnt make me so sleepy, but a second cup of Caribou coffee made by my best friend, the Keurig coffee machine, is keeping me alert enough to finish a nursing paper on obesity. fun stuff.

made it to the beach a bit later than normal this morning..you know it's early if you paddle out and the shade from the high rises dominates the water. our mini atlantis.

the morning surfers are joyous..we have a decent group of happy early evening people too, but i do have a special adoration for morning surfers. we've not been spoiled all day by hot sun and traffic, we are in the water right after a light breakfast. the cold water hits your skin, you squeak with delight.

this was my third day on ole Dong..he has really bruised me..my knees and hips give the appearance that i fell down a flight of stairs. they'll go away. i like being tan, having chipped nail polish, and running around with wild mermaid hair and bruises on my knees. waikiki is one place (i'm sure there's more) where you can truly live how you see fit. i could never get away with running around in a wet bathing suit and no makeup in san fran. too many city and career standards.

so, earlier i rated the waves as a 1 on a scale of 10. but social interaction was a 10. slam dunk. i'm normally at the 'wall' with the booger-board but the surfing side of the beach is a whole different crowd. one that loves the ocean as much as the bb'ers but for different reasons. i assimilate into cultures very easily and find it only natural to go back and forth between my two families. walk a quarter mile down the beach and there will be more regulars you have never met.

i've discovered that it takes about 30 minutes to push past the pain of paddling. my arms are crap still..it will take six weeks of three times a day to get back to where they were. I plan to have a kick @ss body too. you sort of get a second wind after paddling for a while, you realize how badly you want the wave..you dig deeper in the wave and use long powerful strokes. i can feel a difference already, instead of helplessly clinging to the board when a wave hits, i am able to easily push up on the board and allow the water to pass between Dong and I (sounds like a love affair doesn't it). I love arm strength..have always had strong legs , and the use of fins during bb'ing keeps them strong..but to have strong arms is a really good feeling. It opens your chest and you breathe easier. Veil dance is a dream with strong arms.

all the lessons you could possibly want from life are in Atlantis..

you can choose...waikiki

there's no place like home

i really need to put together that 'guide to living in hawaii' ..the truth about living on an island. the perks like waking up to find a roach under your dishes, suffering island fever, dealing with traffic, wondering if the rest of the world really does exist :) ya know, minor things

life is timeless in waikiki. what is one week to a tourist is another moment to a resident. locals who gather in the water first thing in the morning share a secret smile. we made it thru the gates, we are settled, we have reached the destination. we no longer have to sit and dream of a paradise island, we live it every day.

every time i leave the island i feel a bit of pull on the heart. every time i return and the plane circles over the blue-green reef, i breathe in bright fragrant flowered air again and smile.

living pono

Pono: Pono
Pono is the personal and organizational value of rightness and balance. When a person is “Pono” they have the feeling of contentment when all is good and all is right in their life. Pono teaches the attitude of positivity and optimism. Life itself excites you, and you are full of hope, seeing that the future can only get better.

Pronunciation Guide: Pono (Poh-noh)


Today as I was floating in the water, watching the water and sky connect, a paddle board surfer caught a beautiful ride. It was long and smooth and you could see the interaction of human body, board, and water..what we strive for. That moment of unity.

When the wave softened, he pulled off. He stood on his board and blew a kiss to the ocean, I heard him say something but I was too far away to hear the words. Then he got down on his knees and kissed his board.

I shouted to him "that's sooo Pono dude" , he waved aloha with a big smile and paddled back out.

This photo is not him, this is my friend Chris..I used to surf with him when I lived in Ewa Beach area. I love this photo, this is exactly what it's like when you are in that unity.

the Tao by Jes

have you ever woken from a bad dream and feel like you've been on a really long ride? which station did you decide to get off? was it a tornado that swept thru and knocked me unconscious ? or was it just a bad dream?

i have, today, june 17, finally completed a four year long cycle of roller coaster bullshit. and i feel resolved on the issue. battered, bruised, STOLEN, played with, but fear not..my surfboard saved me before and it will save me again. nothing like water zen to float away all the lingering turds

what i've learned from the process:

hawaii is my 'now' home..it may not be home forever but it is one of the places right now i most wish to be. arizona is second only because i love sedona so much. in arizona i feel the strength my dads and brothers taught me. (mom always encouraged me)

the bay area holds in a grayness that never goes away. summers should be sunny and full of bursting light and color every day. but a house becomes like a jail and the cute mini blinds start to look like bars, while the outside world lives and breathes that cold bay fog. and the bay aint no ocean.

people who live to make money are missing out on some really simple pleasures. i remember living on the mainland and feeling a constant pressure to be type A, gpa A, militant disciplined A, no free time to breathe A. sure, we need good grades and behaviors to get what we want. but if the entire process of getting that A requires you to live in a grave, how many years of your life are you missing? it's not all money and Ivy league.

i have a friend who status means everything to. i urge that person to stop living to earn the recognition and approval of others and live to be happy. friend makes a really big paycheck but friend is missing the boat. friend will continue to lose friends .

not everything has to be expensive to impress someone else (if that is what you are after).

it's tough for someone on the mainland to grasp something like surfing..us surfers know it's like trying to explain a different language. until you are standing on a real beach and watching the waves, it's tough to imagine. and even then it's tough to imagine things like the feel of the board under your bones or the spray of water as it hits your face as a wave crashes in front of you, and you watch your REAL FRIENDS ride by. surfing is a time out. it's a quiet zone that is exhilarating and full of breath and rainbows from every direction. your problems are gone. you are , really, as insignificant, but as part of the WHOLE , as every piece of coral and every fish you are swimming with. makes your problems seem rather small.

i need to walk..daily. walking the cracked busy sidewalks of hayward california is not exercise, it's punishment. a walk should be near something beautiful. a walk should leave you feeling invigorated..not feeling like dodging bullets

the song Halo is perhaps the most beautiful song i have heard and i dedicate it to my husband. i'm sorry for running off. thank you for letting me go. i'm coming home. (but still like to run off :)

my husband never put me in a cage, never told me how i had to do something, never told me i couldnt visit friends or go out. he loves my dance. he loves my blog and outspoken ways. he never silences me or expects me to act like a lady. he would let me go to europe in a heartbeat, even if it meant he had to stay behind. he may not kiss me as much as i would like but he has 10,000 other good things about him. i'm sorry my eyes have been closed to it.

coffee is just as good when it's made with instant as when it's made from a fancy machine.

organic food did not prevent me from getting sick.

sleep is golden.

i'm fine spending a night a week watching some senseless tv program. not all nights should be spent studying. i made it thru nursing school as a single mom, working part time, and taking one night a week to dance with friends. all work and no play makes jes a dull lifeless corpse. no dance makes her die inside.

sure we can plan for tomorrow but if you are so busy worrying about all your future plans, you are not living today. a disease can wipe out earth tomorrow..would you want your last day here to be spent counting your money or laying on a beach in the sunshine watching your kids play?

i love akai silks. i want to go on to grad school but it won't happen overnight. i refuse to give up on things TODAY to make a path for four years from now. what a waste. i will have to cut a path thru the jungle to grad school. no sense on giving up all pleasures now for something that is four years away. one day at a time. one degree at a time. for Gods sake lets just wait until the nursing license from hawaii is in hand before mapping out a four year course. (two weeks..two weeks..two weeks)

i'll raise my kids to achieve their potential but above all else, seek and enjoy daily sunshine and happiness. for without those two things a degree and good paying job don't mean shit.

i've been living under a black and white world for a few weeks..but today i opened the door and before me stands a world in blazing color again.

i'm free

oh...and vortexes may not really exist in the way people think they do..it might have been all the coffee!

an unexpected treat

this morning i took zack to the beach early..yesterday i met up with a friend around 1pm and it was deadly hot, even in the shade. i can't stand tv anymore since we're finally turned loose in waikiki so not going out due to heat is not an option. so we packed up early and hit the sand by 7

we have a handful of mermaid lady friends (the guys stop by too) who report in early as well, we sit on the wall and jabber about nothing. usually they snorkel or boogie, we fed the fish this morning and that delighted the hell outta z

the last week of waves has been pretty crappy at least when we've made it over so it was particularly painful to see them firing, in sets of four and five, every few minutes. the wave faces were high, peaked, clean and perfect..and plenty of them. surfers were pausing and picking which one they wanted. i sat in the shade with z and drooled.

J must have felt sorry for me or seen the crazed look in my eyes, she had snorkeled earlier and had told me she'd seen some jellies on the other side of the wall so that ruled out letting z splash around in the shallow water. little bastards will camp out in the sand. she offered to watch z and give me 'five waves'.

i wasn't wearing a suit..,and i know better than to go to the beach without stuffing a suit in his diaper bag, just in case. but i was wearing a cropped tshirt and a knee length skirt. the panties were too light colored to pass for swimsuit or not offend. i tried on a pair of shorts offered to me by one of the local guys who rent out the boards but it would have wound around me twice and i knew i still would have lost his shorts..not a good thing.

so i asked them how much to rent a board for 20 minutes, they hand one to me with a pair of very comfy fins and tell me to go have fun.

there i was plunging into the water with skirt and shirt on. i noticed a few curious looks from tourists..but a mermaid must go to the water. was out there long enough to greet everyone, get a few waves, and relax the entire body for the rest of the day. people who do drugs are dumb. they should just surf.

cruised past two jellies on my way out but it's funny how you don't think about jellies and sharks when you are in the water..

drive by...

what else?

absorbed some courage and paddled out to the back of the lineup yesterday, figured the expert surfers know how to turn and they won't hit me. i rented a smaller board and did much better. the exhilaration of spotting a wave and watching it slowly build, waikiki style, it surges upon you , the tail lifts, the board jumps forward and starts gliding. there's no other moment on earth and really, nothing else matters. it's sooo zen.

i'm still knee riding too long and need to pop up faster but arms are still saying wtf? by the time they are ready i'll be on mainland hehehehe. that's ok my love of surfing is going nowhere

i am devising a plan to dye and work akai sept thru april and work as a nurse at a temp agency late apr thru august.

learning to ride again

today the full moon (almost) energy made me buggy as all hell..late in the day i decided it was best to ditch the boys and go to the beach on my own. no sitting out in the sand under a blazing sun picking sand out of my ass waiting for them to tote along their water and toys and towels..i had a date on my own with the water

our scheduled swell produced no waves, in fact this morning showed nothing but a lake with bare rock on standout reef. i knew going down there this evening may be a disappointment. the water was choppy from the wind and there were only a few ripples. nothing resembling the normal waves i give thumbs up for.

i drove past the beach before parking to get a quick surf report. i knew i could go boogey board, at least get wet, have a decent exercise routine, have fun, and catch a few small ripples. safety. or i could walk the length of the beach, pay money to rent a huge tanker surfboard, and struggle to find the balance that had long ago been so easy for my body. when you surf you don't always have fun. when you surf sometimes you go thru a lot of pain for no reward. boogey boarding is a day event. surfing is a lifetime committment. surfing is a risk.

i chose surfing with no regret and no looking back. got the locals discount for a huge 12 ft tanker. i couldnt even wrap my arm around it , and had to drag it by its nose to the water. in the past i'd be carrying my 8'6 Fat Boy and plopping him down in the water, and gliding on in one fluid motion. My body doesnt remember how to do that and i mighta popped an implant had i attempted it today. the board was so long i could barely control it and turn it. it was like navigating a canoe.

but somehow i got on..no arm strength any more to hoist myself on. had to struggle on like a tourist. paddling wasnt too bad, had to stop often and whimper in pain but i made it out to the beginners line up, chose who looked like they had more control of their board than me, and waited

was pleasantly surprised to find that i could easily catch the waves..not much of a feat since i was on a 12 ft aircraft. as many times before i get caught up in the motion of the board and stand up slowly instead of doing a quick pop up. must build arm strength again..will take about six weeks and unfortunately i dont have the full time ability to commit right now. my feet made contact with the board a few times just for me to dive off the side or land on my ass. water got pushed up into any orifice. damn it burns the eyes and nose when it goes in hard. falling off a board is so much more violent than falling off a boogey board but it makes a man outta ya.

i did 'ride' a few waves, not very steady but enough to satisfy my inner challenge goddess. or lack of. no shame in blowing your nose in the water and looking like utter shit to others. not diplaying the best body angles and feeling awkward, un-athletic and then having to admit yes i've surfed before but its been two years since i took it serious so yea i SUCK. yea i used to charge bigger curvy waves and fight for them and now i struggle with tiny ripples on a huge steady 12 ft board. up yours whats your point . hehehehe

but i remember back to when i bought my first board, Fast Betty. green and white with a large Steinlager beer label on her torso. it was not an easy board to paddle or ride on but i was recovering from a horribly devastating break up, and instead of drowning in sorrow, i bought a board and paddled myself out to the line up, started asking questions, and fell in love with surfing. the pain of trying to achieve was far better than the pain of heartbreak. oh and that heartbreak was bad..if you are reading this you fucker you know you hurt me bad. but i forgive. you gave me surfing. i needed it to survive. i was sinking like a weight and Fast Betty kept me floating.

beginners luck, picked it up rather fast. didnt know enough to be scared of anything. didnt know you could be knocked out by someone else's (or your own) board. good friend of mine lost a chip out of his tooth from having his own board come down on his face. bad place to put your face, don't you think? in the way of a big board. he named his board dick cuz he said he always wanted a big dick.

now i know the fear and potential. now i know how quickly you can run out of air as your board drags you under. i know how fast a hand can struggle to find a velcro leash around the ankle to release you from the dragging beast. surfboards can keep you adrift or drag you under.

i have feared waves and surfboards for some time now. on August 1st a couple years ago, in rain and wind, it was the anniversary of my dads death so to escape that pain again, i went out in the water. i was held under the wave for a long time, was gasping and terrified by the time i got back to the surface. instead of getting back on the waves, i kept falling off and tumbling more. i was falling and spiraling. i could never get over that day, and that fear..since that time i'm a big ole chicken shit surfer.

but hopefully today was a reset, when you go back to the very beginning of something and remember so well what you loved about it and experience every moment of newness again, when your muscles are awakened to their purpose, when your primitive self seethes the wave under a waxing almost full moon, you know the cycle has completed itself. you know you have served your sentence, you are healed from the breakup, you trust in love again, you get back on the board, and you ride the wave fearless.

am drunk on sunshine

aloha mateys, at last there is an internet connection from the condo. so far my only times to post quickly to facebook or check in are the rare moments when Zack is asleep ..or when Zack is asleep. i had no idea what i was getting myself into by taking him to Oahu, on my own, for two weeks. it's an...adventure.

not sure where the energy is coming from, surely the heat of late summer will have me cursing over things that are a welcome sight right now. the pulse of a city that never sleeps. my first night was in a hotel room because we had no electricity at the condo ..and well i have a baby. flying back home was no option. so i stayed in the heart of waikiki till today when they switched the electric back on. i was up rather late both nights, i remember staying the night in waikiki a couple years ago, in a penthouse overlooking Kuhio ave, and remembering the nonstop activity. our condo is pretty close to it all, we are over on the other side of the canal. i'm still very happy we are ground floor. i don't like elevators and not having immediate outside access..it just weirds me out. anyways, the sirens and shouting and cars and foot traffic is just amazing. i remember hanging on the balcony a good portion of the night just watching.

the physical activity feels awesome, we have been walking everywhere. just a cheapie stroller and a backpack but we've been treading some major amount of streetage. every time we had to go out for food i'd turn it into a mini excursion. Zack has seen boats, birds, fish, motorcycles, buses, more people than he knew existed..and I think the sun is affecting him too. since we've been here he has started saying Uh Oh and ball and i thought i heard a bye bye. there's a lot of new stimulus to the brain.

the condo is just a place to relax, make dinner, shower and sleep. it serves as the convenient pit stop to island activity. of course we'll be in waik a lot of the time.

i talked with someone at the gym i want to join..it's a monthly membership but the initial set up fee is the killer. then it's 3 dollars on top of that for them to watch my kid . i was planning it so Zack and i would take a bus to the gym (maybe five..ten minutes from here) early in the morning, he would hang with the gym daycare while i worked out , then we'd catch another bus to the beach where daddy would be waiting with the beach gear. i'm going to try out the seven day free trial and see how it all works out. beaches are best when you are there early in the morning and a beach will definitely be cardio exercise..and is free. so i'm weighing the options and price. overall, just being back here will be more conducive to just simply walking and exercising since it doesn't fucking rain every day. it's easy to go walk to jamba juice or walk to the canal park to take Zack outside. the outdoors are a whole different world to him. as i said he's even tripping out on sunlight. wow mommy it's warm and pretty.

tomorrow i get a bit of a break from serving his majesty and am running off with a friend to the water. yes, a beach but most importantly the water. may be able to just paddle around but that is good enough.

i have a friend visiting on thursday who may be here thru the weekend so no concrete plans other than just keeping fresh fruit in the fridge and taking the baby on mini trips. hope to take him over to the aquarium in a couple of days. we both have blisters from walking.

i haven't taken him in the water yet since there were jellyfish and the suckers wash right up on the beach. i didnt want him to step on one. they should be gone tomorrow ..but if there's waves he'll have to wait one more day :)

we can't wait for daddy to join us. daddy is going to take him for a week straight. mommy's going to savor the goodness of going potty alone.

99.99999% of bad behavior is caused by boredom

it's the final couple of weeks before we move again. you'd think with all this free time i'd be all over projects like brown on good for you rice but i just can't seem to get motivated to do anything. am awaiting one more slow shipment of silk to finish a large troupe order and then, realistically, i can take Zack with me to the condo and meet daddy there in a couple of weeks. we'll miss him of course but i am certain i can keep him busy in oahu. we have friends all over the island. i've saved enough $ where i don't HAVE to work until fall season again. plus we're gonna see where the whole nursing thing goes. whether i go back to work as a nurse varies on which day you ask me (surprised?) . had a chat with a critical care nurse yesterday, when i mentioned my possible return she asked me if i was retarded.

besides, i've long held a theory that working is not a way to escape boredom. if you think about an average 9 to 5 workweek, you don't have time to be bored at home. you're too busy on weekends cleaning the house and getting shit ready for the next week. working is not an answer to cure boredom.

am just not understanding this slump. i don't know if i can keep blaming the weather, i've come to expect gray skies everyday. i don't know if seasonal affective disorder can last that long or if we get immune to shitty weather.

if i had the means, and the patience, i'd duct tape the kid and go fly to arizona and visit my new house.

the return to perfect ass beach

yes all i needed was a strong dose of sun

we flew into honolulu bright and early sunday morning. oahu had been experiencing a two day downpour. poor babies!! but the sun had returned and the weather was perfection. we had a dim sum breakfast with friends in chinatown and then went over to check on our condo. except for some mild cleaning it's move in ready. it's small, the kitchen is dark, and i'll have to listen to people living above me again but it puts me within a healthy walk of waikiki. and i have missed waikiki. i had no idea how much until we revisited

being in waikiki is sort of like disneyland to a kid, there is perfect weather and excitement. we met up with my buddy Jessica who is now my bff X 2 and paraded around kuhio beach in bikinis. the water was cold to skin that has not formed that thin layer of i'm in the water every day blubber but it didnt take long to get used to it. as usual, and what i love about kuhio beach, is that the water was packed with tourists. on floaties, tubes, boards, just swimming. i dont know why i like the pool party atmosphere so much, certainly if i'm on a surfboard i would not feel the same way. but for swimming it can't be beat. the water was dirty from recent rain but i didnt care and neither did Jessica. she wore her high heels down into the beach sand..ultimate diva. her beach bag is GUESS. i love Jess , she's the perfect high glam surfer chick. we are both obnoxiously loud with laughter when we get together. we both love crowds and waikiki and since she lives about a block away from our condo, i believe we'll be spending a lot of time together. she runs a very successful esthetician business..if you need a facial or a wax, she's your gal

i got burnt. sunburnt. am still a bit sore but i needed a deep long infusion with the sun sooo badly. the entire island was colorful with perfect light, and large rainbows. we don't get too many rainbows on big island because our cloud cover is too thick. didnt surf, not enough time to fit it all in..but the waves were kona junk anyways. saw two friends who had not been down to the beach in months and just happened to pick the same morning i was there to visit. we made promises to 'hold waves' for each other in the coming weeks

honolulu never looked so pretty. all of the high rises and beautiful people. the movie screen on the beach is all ready for the free weekend movies.

had a phone interview with a nursing agency and pending my license, i'll get the job. part time, i call in when i want to. i might take the summer off and just enjoy the flawless surfing and high tourist traffic then work once fall rolls around. i'm envisioning spending a summer at the beach with Zachary, feeding the fish with him and taking him to all the fun places I wanted to show him. he REALLY liked riding the bus. i suppose i can work part time but will only work on the days TY works so that when he's off we can be together.

the priorities will be health and sunshine again..

nothing in gods sweet earth is better than surfing

proof of insanity

there see it???? see that big mass of red? that's over the big island, um, the one i live on..notice how little oahu way up near the top is high and dry. my asshole friend called yesterday to hoot and holler about how sunny it was and how the waves were great. i'll get you Gary.

so i'm psycho analyzing self lately and wondering if my lack of enthusiasm to do anything has more to do with rain and gray skies (every day) or because i went and messed with the antidepressant a couple months ago. i tried to titrate off of it (look up previous antidepressant tag) got all the way down to 2mg and just lost it. felt horrible. cried all the time. took 10 mg and within a day felt like self again. determined that self probably needs celexa to properly operate from now on. so i went back up to 20mg (my original dose was 30) ..did fine. again not sure if this two week bout is due to rain, post surgery, low celexa..probably a combo of. but i feel very listless and badly need an infusion of sun

when the skies are gray its like living in night mode all the time. messes up the clock.

should i stay or should i go

guess what..it's raining!!! i just love the soft patter of rain on the roof and the scent of a freshly watered jungle.

but. chances are if i dont hear back from two wholesalers who are holding up the production line by ..um.. tomorrow, i am packing my bags and taking the kid with me to oahu. we might even arrange to ship a car over (with tv). all i need in oahu is cable, internet, a car and the kid. surfboard will fit in car. we are talking about taking a load over this weekend. i can bring the basics and at least sit outside in the sun again. take the kid to the beach and help him feed the fish. he's going crazy too in his own baby way. day in and day out in the house with mom. there's nowhere to go in the rain. can't take him outside.

now that he is older he will really enjoy places like the waikiki zoo and aquarium, or long walks out to watch the surfers. we have a handful of surf friends who hang at the wall and i know debbie or julie will entertain zack for half an hour while i dash out in the water and reclaim my kingdom.

as for work, fuck it. i know we are in hot spot of bellydance season but i really need to paddle out on the board away from computers. and watch beautiful dark men dance on water (surf). open outdoor restaurants, lavish hotels (you can walk thru they dont care) luau on the beach each evening, soft gentle south shore waves.

my husband knows i'm going to ditch him. it's his fault, he gave sixty day notice and he's stuck here til apr 30. i'll miss him but i'll be fine alone with the baby. its just for a few weeks. i can also start looking for jobs on oahu. steady income..what a concept! going to cache and stocking up on lovely clothing to wear to work. dinner parties, bbqs,

i know ya'll are sick of rain blogs, beleive me so am i. it's good to vent tho, it works the cobwebs out early in the morning and then i usually have a boring but ok day then bitch again by evening :)

i need something to light the fire

blah. yeah i know its late at night and what is there to do ..but i have absolutely no urge to go around updating website pages. i tried for about 20 minutes and shut it all down, what's the use. its not the costume cheat sheet gallery, this is what should be a simple udpate to the colors page. am just not feeling it. i remember i used to sit up late trying to get it all done, updating pages, emails , more online reading. something is on hiatus right now, the urge to keep going at a fast speed?

i know some people must think i'm nuts to consider dropping this to part time and going back to 'work' . a job that allows me to stay home..blah blah. i don't understand it myself, and i know it waffles all the time, but there's been many times lately where i just have to make myself do things. the heart is still in it on some days. i'm not idea-less. it's more like i think about what i could do in a few hours of time than try to revamp the site again or work on this, or read this, or brainstorm this.

well. sat and looked thru old digital photos earlier to see if there was anything i wanted to re-do on the site. it's raining, the tv is out, the kid is asleep and i'm going nuts from boredom. might go to waikiki later this week just to go sit on a dry island.

would love to feel the sun about now

posted are some old pics, reminding me i suppose that the sun will return.

no we are not rich to live in hawaii :)

a customer recently commented how we must have 'struck the lottery' to be able to afford to live in hawaii. i'm here to dispel the myth :)

you CAN live a mainland lifestyle but you better arrive with a healthy inheritance or a sugar daddy.

my husband moved to hawaii with a few hundred bucks about 13 years ago to go to college. he worked as a busboy and learned english by watching shows like Three's Company (hahahaa) . he drove a scooter or rode a bike, and lived with roommates. he made his way thru his masters degree in marketing and got a job in Honolulu. his life, when i met him, consisted of work from 8 to 3, then he'd play volleyball at the beach, surf, then go home and watch ESPN.

when i moved to hawaii i had about 10k and two suitcases. i mailed a few boxes of silk here. i rented a room in a house in pearl city for the summer, then moved into my own place in waikiki, where i really wanted to be, a few months later. i used the bus a lot. i made veils on the fourth story balcony of a high rise. after a few good sales i bought a surfboard for three hundred bucks and then a good portion of my non working hours were spent in the water (after the initial cost of a board, surfing is FREE).

when we met, i was living in a hotel room with a microwave and hot plate and my husband was renting a room with about the same. when we married we found a place , a one bedroom that was the bottom story of someone's house, outside of waikiki for $1100. We have no debt and again our free time was spent at the beach. We did not have dinner out very often but when we did we stayed away from waikiki and high prices.

because of strict budgeting we were able to live on his income and stash mine..we saved up to buy a condo in waikiki. we paid cash and so our monthly fees came to a few hundred a month for association dues. it's by no means luxury living. we're sandwiched in with other non-rich people , it's not always quiet. someone's always parked in your space. your kitchen is the size of a closet.

but again the beach is free.

we dont need much because there isn't much space for belongings. aside from a few possessions, we dont have a lot of books, cds, or furniture. if you were asked what three things would you take with you to an island you'd have an idea of what we own. we splurged for a big screen tv and do have a computer (modern needs!) but other than that, what we own is minimal therefore the upkeep is minimal. our insurance is minimal. we wait until someone is desperate to leave the island and we pick up their furniture (or car).

it's not a life for everyone..i've always said unless there is something about hawaii you really can't live without, it doesn't make much sense to live here. try LA. for us obviously we like being outdoors and going to the water. if you want a yard it's best to stay on the mainland. if you want sun year round come to hawaii (but don't bother with hilo)

what would you be willing to sacrifice to live here? maybe your paradise is where you are.